Reflections of the Reaper

March 24th. 2010


That would make tomorrow, the 25th. The anniversary of the worst day of my life; once again I cannot believe it is here already.

I will probably spend the day drinking and looking at pictures of my family before my son died. I will see what we looked like, what our faces looked like before we knew the extreme grief that would come our way.

No one else could see the difference but I can. I can see innocence in our faces, a look that is no longer there.

The eyes are truly the windows to the soul and no matter how young a person is you see the age of their soul in their eyes. Their smile may portend happiness but the soul reflects a knowledge that isn’t spoken of, a dark evil presence of information that is kept locked up for all time.

The baggage I carry from that time is considerable, no one but a father can understand how I feel. However I realize that all who knew him carry their own feelings and guilt albeit different.

Mine is one of failure, failure to give proper guidance, failure to know what is going on in my son’s life and ultimately failure to protect him even from himself.

And tomorrow as I do every year on this day, I will come face to face with that failure and once again it will kick my ass.

Eric’s dad.