Trucking

Today I am feeling normal once again.  I get to be normal these days once a month for 3 glorious days.  I spend my 3 normal days drinking cold beer and scotch and eating everything I can think to eat.

I try in my three days to see those who are important to me because I know I will not see them again for the 3 weeks and life moves so quickly that I will never get caught up.

I am a truck driver these days, 3 weeks out and 3 days home.  I spend the entire 3 weeks in my truck, driving or sleeping.  It’s a refuge as well as a prison cell.  Sometimes I feel as though I am doing penance for the wrongs I have done.  There is few times in my life that I don’t regret.  I always done the best I could, at least that is what I tell myself; but so many of my decisions have just turned out to be bad ones. 

These days driving across the country affords me nothing but time to reflect on the things I have done.  Yet I keep making the same stupid decisions.  Just last week I found myself at a receiving dock in LA, and another trucker asked me if I had some bolt cutters because he had a seal on his trailer that he couldn’t get off.  I explained to him that I didn’t have any but the guard shack at the entrance to the facility had some.  So you might say that I helped this fellow trucker.  But actually I didn’t help as much as I could have because I in fact did have some bolt cutters in my truck.  You see I bought a pair of bolt cutters after I had a similar incident as this brother trucker.  I found myself at a receiving dock with a seal on my trailer that I could not get off.  I asked another trucker if he had something I could use and he did and he helped me.  I bought my own pair after that incident.  The fact is I didn’t help this guy last week because he was ugly!  I’m not talking about a little ugly.  But now as I sit and reflect I am ashamed that I did not help this ugly man and vow to help everyone I can from this day forward.  However the truth is, I know that I will fail in this endeavor the next time an attractively challenged person asks for help.

I am now sitting here with my head hanging low because I am at times a bad person.

My bottom lip is also sticking out a little because I am pouting.  I’m pouting because you, after reading this will think I am a bad person.

Fuck you.