Soul Locker

SOUL LOCKER
The dark place in my soul is growing
Some days it wants to consume me
I need the tools to keep it at bay
I also need a map to find it
Afterward I will use it to find my way back
Back from that dark place

I believe that dark place is a barrier
A barrier to a place beyond
A place we are not allowed to go
A place we’re not permitted to recall
Occasionally there is a break in the fabric
As delicate as gossamer and as strong as iron

Where is the alarm, how is it triggered
Who watches it
Who responds
Is there a greater power
Or is it us in another form
The penalty is madness and despair

Depression, real depression is the sentence
The transgression is much too easy
There is no warning except for the illness
I’m not even aware that I’ve gone too far
The pain hits me and then I know
The sudden denial and rejection of feeling

I hear myself thinking
Don’t go there, don’t go there
Stop thinking about it, STOP
But the pain is already here and it’s real
Have I avoided the sentence
This time as in last, I’ve escaped the blackness

But it’s growing ever stronger
It tries to consume me
There will be a next time
I won’t see it coming then either
Even knowing doesn’t help
Its insidious, unrelenting in its mission

Maybe I can stop it
But when it’s been vanquished
I’ll be gone