The Clegger

It was a rather ominous trip to begin with as my son had just been killed in March and the trip was later that same year. However I agreed to go, as I couldn’t turn back time or change in any way what had already happened.

My friend and I headed for “The Clegger” Cleghorn Bar in the Feather River canyon area of the North Fork. It was a couple hours of highway driving followed by an hour or so driving through the mountains on a fire road and then another hour and the last 6 miles or so on a four wheel drive road that would scare a Mountain Goat, to get to the bottom of the canyon and the place we like to go fish for wild “Bows” and “Browns”.

The road so steep that with a four wheel drive in compound low you still need your brakes most of the way down. Without compound low you would probably burn your brakes up reaching the bottom safely.

Without four-wheel drive you almost certainly will not get out. Besides being extremely steep, at some points with out seat belts to hold you in you would literally be against the windshield. There are two places that are hairpin turns at both ends of a torn up piece of road that is so steep even putting on your brakes will not stop your descent toward the edge, you’ll just keep sliding. At the bottom of one of these hairpin mofo’s is tree stump that sticks out into your path causing you to swerve around it and coming within inches of going over the edge. The entire road is steep mountain on one side and drop off on the other.

At the bottom of this canyon is a place, a very private place that is one of my favorite places on the Earth. The Feather River is completely wild and untouched in this area and the animals don’t see enough human traffic to really change their habits much. At a certain time of year, end of summer early fall there are Banana Slugs and Newts or Salamanders everywhere and they can be quite fun to pick up and carry around in your pocket all day. They’re a little like living rubber toys.

The fish although wild and small, averaging about 7 to 10 inches with some bigger ones coming out occasionally, are all but begging to get on your hook.

You can walk 20 feet from your campsite and catch them almost anytime you wish. There are only 5 campsites down there so it never gets really crowded or noisy. Because of the degree of difficulty getting in and out usually the only ones you may run into down there are fairly serious about solitude and fishing. Although you tend to worry the whole time your there about if and how you will get out, it is well worth the stress.

This particular trip was going to be quite different from the times before because we had a plan. We had heard that there was some fantastic fishing to be had 10 crossings up river. That is how you navigate in this area, by crossings. Because the banks of the river become impassable at times you must cross in order to proceed up river. There is no other way. Because everyone must cross at the same places at certain points it is easy to judge distance, not in miles but in the number of times you must cross.

In some of these crossings you are absolutely going to get wet above the waist and in a couple you will get the top of your hat wet.
We took “el cheapo” air mattresses to blow up and float our equipment on and then deflate afterwards to solve the problem.

On this particular trip we had planned to go up 10 crossings but didn’t make it. We made about 6 crossings before running out of time and heading back. This is not a place you want to get caught in after the Sun goes down without the equipment to spend the night.

However when we reached the end of the trail we proceeded to fish the deep holes just below the falls where our trail ended.

It was here that the most amazing thing in my life happened. I was fishing and thinking of my son and as I looked up into a blue sky almost completely void of clouds except a small group directly above and out in front of me. I stared at those clouds as they moved around until they spelled out my sons name “Eric”. I naturally couldn’t believe my eyes and took several glances until I was absolutely sure that it had happened and then they dissipated almost as quickly, before I had a chance to get my friends attention.
As extraordinary and unbelievable as this may sound, it happened and I know it. I didn’t tell anyone because I know how it sounds but a short time after that incident another supernatural event happened to verify that my son was contacting me and letting me know he was alright. It was that second event that substantiated the first and although it doesn’t ease the longing it does something for me, I just don’t know what.

I Am

I am the wind whistling through the trees.
I am the breeze that cools on a hot summers day.
I am the hot summers day.
I am the twinkling stars.
I am the glint of light on the ocean.
I am that invisible half noticed motion in the corner of your eye at night when you could swear you saw something move only to look at nothing there.
I am the unseen entity near the ceiling of the room that so mesmerizes babies and small dogs.
I am the noise at night when you’re tucked away in bed and suddenly wakened by the unknown.
I am the rattling window pains and the staccato of the driven rain against the roof.
I am the chill on a winter’s morn.
I am the inner voice warning you where not to tread.
I am that harsh nod that pulls you from the dark place while driving.
I am that perfect song that plays at that perfect moment.
I am the flame that hypnotizes around a fire.
I am that one smell that moves you back in time.
I am that memory that makes you smile for no reason at all.
I am the tear that is shed for past loves and dear memories.
I am the warm dry place the makes you feel secure.
I am that goofy face you make in the mirror when no one is looking.
I am the song sung in the shower.
I am the tune that is unconsciously hummed.
I am the longing for the past.
I am the hope for the future.
I am that tremor that runs through your body making you shake as if you’re cold.
I am that crisp breath of morning air.
I am the shade from the burning Sun.
I am that quick nap on a stuffy afternoon.
I am the anticipation on Christmas morning.
I am the excitement at night before a big day.
I am that glorious feeling while making love.
I am love.
I am that first drink of frosty cold beer.
I am that feeling at dusk that reminds you of being a kid.
I am that feeling in the morning when you can sleep in.
I am the sound of a babbling brook.
I am the excitement of returning home after a long absence.
I am that brief moment when you can laugh like a child.
I am the rush of a carnival ride.
I am the innocence of a baby.
I am the wisdom of the ages.
I am the tissue thin skin of the elderly.
I am the musky smell of large cities.
I am the sound of tropical rain forests.
I am the unknown curiosity of the sea.
I am the vacuum of space.
I am the cool dampness of caves.
I am the desire to be more than I am.
I am all things that are yet to be.
I am that which makes us come back time after time.

I am life.

When your number is up, is it really?

I may have lived longer than I am supposed too. It’s really hard to say but I have died several times in the past and have dodged the reaper more times than I can count partly because they have been numerous and partly because some of those instances no doubt took place when I was pumpkin puking smashed!

But that is off subject, when I was a mere child (not to be confused with a Mere cat; entirely different thing) I along with my twin brother was dying of some weird shit and in fact was given last rites by some Catholic Jamoke that was hanging around at the time, likely as not trying to get a peak at some naked little boy; I was pronounced but came screaming back with a vengeance.

Then there was the three times I was pronounced at the age of 5 when I came down with Rheumatic Fever and subsequently had a heart attack and kicked the bucket, left my body and floated around the ceiling of my room for a while. But then I came screaming back with a vengeance.

I have been shot at, stabbed at, had stuff thrown at me and some times hitting me, I have been in airplanes that almost crashed, I have been in numerous automobile wrecks and a rather serious little motorcycle crash, I have fallen off of high things, I have electrocuted the shit out of myself, I have accidentally stuck my self with knives, scissors, screwdrivers, sticks, etc…

I have almost drowned on many occasions while diving in the Pacific, and I have taken plenty of harsh chemicals that didn’t think my body a temple and proceeded to trash the fuck out of it.
But I still came screaming back with a vengeance.

Once in ‘98’ while skydiving I came within 4 seconds of death when my chute failed to open above the hard deck and I barely got the drag chute of my back about the time I could count the corn on the cobs in the corn field I was plummeting towards.

Then there are the numerous times while scuba diving that I have been tangled up in monofilament or kelp and was just able to free myself before panicking and attempting to resolve the problem by drinking all the ocean to get it away from me.

But, I came screaming back with a vengeance!

While in Turkey in the early ‘80’s I was attacked four times that I can remember, again the whole pumpkin thing comes into play; in which I was forced to fight off 5 assholes on one occasion, seems like 6 or 7 on another occasion, this time with my trusty Buck knife, and again on that same night by at least a dozen mangy flea bitten dogs that chased me (the wrong way) down some railroad tracks.

Again, I came screaming back with a vengeance.

The fourth time a boxer buddy of mine from Saint Louis and I was riding back to Adana from Mercin on his Honda 750 when some Turkish Muslim bastard pulled across the highway we were on in front of us, stopped his big ass Mercedes Benz truck, jumped out and ran off. We were just able to miss the truck, hit some poor bystander, probably killed his ass; we knocked the fucker right out of his shoes. We went down and slid into the medium and then from out of nowhere it seemed a crowd of Muslim cocksuckers gathered around us and started beating on us. Jerry and I were able to pick the Honda up and get it started while those Muslim shitheads were punching and kicking us and get a few miles down the road where we had to stop and straighten out the handlebars as best we could so we could make it the rest of the way back to the ‘big lick’.

But then I came screaming back with a vengeance.

On more than one occasion I have poisoned myself with alcohol and lost several days in the process of screaming back with a vengeance.

Yet I am still here.

Why?

Sands of Time

When the sands of time have all blown away and all that remains is the deeds of man.
Like bones bleached clean in the light of truth.
Humanity will stand in judgment.
On this day who will judge and who will be judged? Will only the deeds of man be considered or our misdeeds as well?
How can we be judged rightfully for anything done in a life we did not ask for, on one side of a bargain we did not negotiate prior to birth?
Or did we?
If we did negotiate our lives then the deal has been struck and price to be paid agreed upon before coming through the rye. In which case nothing we do or have done matters unless the contract be breached. Can the contract be breached? Who can breach it?

What of the other side, their negotiator? Who might that be? Lucifer?

Who then do we have representing our interests? Porky Pig?

If that be the case then:

Ahbadit, ahbadit, That’s all folks!!

The Mighty Bubba

Who’s the bad guy?

According to bible history and popular folklore Satan the Lord of Darkness is! Beelzebub the “Mighty Bubba”

Is he?

Let’s see now, does Satan lie, well maybe but he doesn’t lie about lying. When you think about who is the more honest it has to be Bubba.

The Mighty B doesn’t pull punches he is upfront in all things. He says I’m gonna try to deceive and tempt and basically make humans lives crazy and miserable. If he can he will lead you astray in a minute and be glad of it. But, he is upfront about his intentions.

Now about the “Host of Hosts”, what a lying dickwad that son of a bitch is. Nothing he says or is written in the bible ever happens or comes true. Nothing he has ever promised has actually happened.

When God says he is watching out for us while we are being raped and murdered, what the hell would happen to us if he weren’t protecting us?

If this fact alone doesn’t prove to believers that God does not exist! Then maybe they should pull their heads out of their asses and at least realize they are betting on the wrong fucking horse!

According to tales of the dark side, during the great angle wars the Big B tried to kick Gods ass but basically wasn’t allied good enough and couldn’t pull it off. He could’ve admitted he was wrong and swore allegiance to the G-man but instead told him he would rather live on Earth with humans then suck up to the king of lies!

So there you have it, is it real? No not hardly but, the stories if taken at face value just make believers look STUPID!

Is everyday above ground a good day?

To live in that place only dreamt about, that garden of stone and wood and delicate things that disintegrate when touched. It’s there just out of reach. There’s no map no directions and no memory of ever having traveled there only the knowledge that it’s real and that it’s there, somewhere.It’s warm and dark like the hollowed out trunk of an old tree sheltering you from that cold storm howling like demons intent on consuming your soul.It’s also brightly lit and lazy like beams of sunlight streaming through a drapless pane of glass warming a spot on the floor and revealing those little things floating always in the air.That unreal moment when dozing in a comfortable chair on a hot afternoon, strength sapped and energy gone you think you’re dreaming or you dream you’re thinking, you also think you’re awake but you can’t seem to open your eyes.There’s always something to be remembered but never able to clearly picture it, ever again.To live in that place forever. Is that paradise or merely the psychotic hallucinations of a raving lunatic wearing nothing at all except a red felt cowboy hat with white trim around the edge and little green sandals.Hmm-good question.
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Joan Jet

Reality?

Reality you say? What is reality?

The metal fillings in your teeth came from the center of an exploding star billions of years ago!

The atom is so small it can’t be seen with the human eye but everything in the universe depends on it.

The most precious gemstone in the world comes from one of the cheapest substances in the world, which we just burn.

The color of anything you look at depends totally on the light hitting no matter what color it has been painted. Most of the colors in the light spectrum cannot be seen by humans.

We’re all born male but when delivered and the doctor spanks our ass to get us to breath, the dicks fall off the dumb ones!